I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
