I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
