hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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