Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
