I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's shark week go big or go home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
