In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
