saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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