I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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