A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just wanna soil my oats bro
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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