Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
