When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
