Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
