i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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