you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
