Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
