I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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