i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
