Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
