I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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