My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
