there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
home. puking in laundry basket.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
