did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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