Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dignity is for republicans.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
false alarm, still single
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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