That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
