u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
