i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
