i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
