How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she looked like the before picture.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
