i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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