What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
