mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
