Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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