Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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