Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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