so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
