You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
