and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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