i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
