I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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