Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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