He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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