I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
