he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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