just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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