So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
