After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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