My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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