Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
