I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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