Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
