I can text with my tongue
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love having hate sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
