drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
