I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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