there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Come see our sink grown plant.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
