I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
