Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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