Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
