btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
