That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i've created a new STD.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
