too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize