Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
