mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
