one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
