if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
